Beth’s water broke.  She stayed up for a couple of hours playing on the internet (figuring out whether she was allowed to go back to sleep after her water broke).  The on-call nurse said to mosey on in to the hospital.

1:30AM

Phone call to Carrie, to see if she would come over and stay with Pace.  She was just getting in from a late night of debauchery, so it was no trouble.

2:00AM

Arrived at hospital, contractions were frequent but mild.  Beth was dialated to a 2.  The doctor requested that she be induced, but before they could transfer her to labor and delivery, the contractions worsened and she progressed.  No inducement was needed.

3:00AM

Epidural completed, against dad’s recommendations that she “tough it out” and “do it natural, just like her Momma did”.

7:30AM

Beth says “I feel big down there”.  Nurse announces that Beth is dialated to a 9 and baby will be here shortly.

8:00

Dr. Huish arrives; observes that baby is facing the wrong way.  Dr. Huish shows dad how to properly turn a baby.

8:25

Cade Christian Martineau is born.  He looks a lot like Pace.  6lbs, 10oz; 20 inches.  Seems excited to be here.

And so it was tonight.

We had just gotten his pajamas on with a fresh diaper.  Then came the face plant.  It was pretty bad - a fat lip, a little blood, and one of his front teeth was pushed up into his gums a little bit.

He cried a long time, which usually means he’s gonna barf.  So I moved over by the sink.  He puked and I held him over the sink.  I was impressed with my amazing foresight and quick action.  So I handed him to Beth.

Then he puked all over her.  Then he puked on the floor.  Then she handed him to me.  Then he puked on me.  Then he puked on the floor.

So he got a bath, a new diaper, and a new set of pajamas.  And he got some Tylenol and a teeth brushing.  He’s sleeping like a champ.  We’ll look into the tooth issue tomorrow…

In other news, I had my first endo today.  For those of you non-bikers, that’s when your bike stops faster than your body does.  It looks something like this:

Mine was like that except I probably didn’t look as goofy and I SURE AS HECK wasn’t wearing those tight little shorts.  I don’t know if the guy in the picture made any noises, but my body made an involuntary sound - something like “ha HOOP”.

I got a few nice lumpy bruises and a sore wrist - but feel great otherwise.

After riding the “Mine Trail” a few times, I was still wondering where the @%#! all these MINES were!  Turns out they’re everywhere:

Then we stopped on the backside for a Rocky-esque pose in front of Red Mtn and the Salt River

And it wouldn’t be a bike ride if Betz didn’t bail and tear himself up:

Betz Comes Down Bloody from Eric Martineau on Vimeo.

Anyhow, it was pretty sketchy up on the rim, but we got some cool pictures:

Of course we got tons of tokens. Pace fell in love with the best game of all time: Skee-ball:

Pace Playing Skee-Ball from Eric Martineau on Vimeo.

Brian and I played a round of a fire-fighting game. As you can see, the game required full concentration:

Then I owned Brian in a game of hoops:

Brandon and Brian shot the air cannons

The girls played Dance Dance Revolution

Pace could play this game all by himself:

I was having so much fun I forgot to pick my wedgie

After that I showed my son how to pose for the camera:

Blowing out the candles:

This is where Pace gets his good looks…  And mmmmmmm, blue frosting…

Pace was scared of all his presents, but especially mortified by the Hulk gloves.  (He loves them now)

The End.

• They cost me $65 (and I got the cheapest ones they had - they had a different pair that was $118)
• They have a big dangling pad sewn into the crotch that really throws me off

I understood the principle when I bought them:

But seriously, when you put them on, it’s really distracting. I must have asked my wife 100 times:

Let me tell you, though - when you set your keyster on one of those teeny little bike seats, you understand immediately why people break the bank to afford these shorts. It’s NIIIICE.

Now I need to figure out where all the poor mountain bikers shop…

When I bought my bike, the dealer was kind enough to “desert proof” my tires AT NO ADDITIONAL CHARGE. They were probably so willing to do this because they had just ripped me off — but that’s my fault. No one ever told me that you can bargain with those people. I thought it was like WalMart where you go there and pay what’s on the price tag. Dumb ol’ me. So anyhow, these spiffy “desert proof” tires consist of super-duty thorn resistant tubes, slime, AND plastic liners. They ride about like lead-filled concrete, but I NEVER got a flat. Yay me!

So, in prep for my big race I started reading about bike weight, and everyone seemed to think that wheel weight is the worst sort of weight! So, I decided to go nuts and ditch the liners AND the slime and go with plain ol’ thorn proof tubes.

That lasted for a total of one ride.

I ride mtn bikes with one of my co-workers (no, he’s not one of my friends from the race last week). He just got his new Specialized Enduro from eBay and has been itching to get out riding. So we took off from work early - er, we had some “offsite” business… and headed up to South Mountain for a quick ride. Another buddy joined us up there (he’s the giant). He’s actually only 6′6″ - tall by anybody’s standards, but a giant by mountain biking standards.

When I took my bike out, I noticed a thorn in my bike tire. I said a bad word. But I didn’t remove the thorn - I actually pushed it in further so it wouldn’t leak. After surveying our equipment, we realized that none of us had a pump. But the tire had made it all this way with a thorn - surely it would be fine for another hour? NO.

So we headed up the fire road to the start of the trail. Shortly after the fire road, I cut off Andy (the big guy) on a rocky section. He had a total of about 20 minutes with his new clipless pedals, and wasn’t able to unclip. He had a nice slow fall over the side of the mountain and slid down underneath a big palo verde tree. It was hilarious to watch, but I don’t know him THAT well, so I mostly had to laugh inside. He was a good sport about it and laughed more than I did. That’s when I noticed my tire was losing air fast. I had to turn back after we had just started.

I made it about halfway back before I started feeling the rim on contact, so I got off my bike and started walking. Then I started running. Then I was reminded of how much more sucky running is than riding a bike and started walking again. I finally got back to my truck. Very unsatisfying. ALWAYS TAKE YOUR PUMP!

The worst part about not riding was that I didn’t get to see my other friend eat it hard. It got too dark and he got squirrely in a wash then hit a jump sideways. He had some nice road rash today.

Andy never clipped back in the rest of the ride.

• None of us was in terribly good shape
• None of us is a terribly great rider
• None of us has any terribly great biking equipment

But who cares, right?

We decided to ride in the Beginner class at the Dust Devil event at McDowell Track in Fountain Hills, AZ. The track is 15.8 miles (when you don’t get lost) of fairly easy singletrack through the Arizona desert. My buddies would have loved to ride the RockCrushers class, except that class ran for over 20 miles.

So, the night before the race at 10:00PM, I decided to spray my bike off to get it looking pretty and dust-free.  I figured I’d lube up my chain and other parts in the morning.  Except I sorta forgot to do that in the morning.  I figured that lube was more “optional” and that my bike would be fine for one ride.  Wrong.

So I loaded up my bike and went to pick up my buddies. Before I picked them up, I made myself a Carnation Instant Breakfast from skim milk, went and filled up with gas, and got supplies at the gas station:

• Lots of water
• Lots of caffiene-injected bananas that smelled strangely of coffee
• Lots of those poop-brick energy bars that are so popular

And we were off!

We live in Gilbert, so it was a 45 minute drive up to Fountain Hills - 55 minutes when you keep missing your exit…

When we finally got to the park, we were surprised that there was actually a parking spot for us! As we walked over to get our race packets, we sized up the competition. Except then we started feeling like the poor kids from down by the tracks - we couldn’t believe how ridiculously sweet everybody’s bikes were. And how decked out everyone was in their gear. And how NOT decked out we were. I found myself referring to my brand new $1500 Stumpy as “that old piece of hud”, and we realized quickly that we were the ONLY people riding in tennis shoes. In fact, after the race, a guy came up to me and said, “Hey, you’re the guy in tennis shoes, right?”. Yep, that was me. Not only tennies, but I never bothered with those “fancy” padded shorts - I just rolled up in my tighty-whities and basketball shorts. Who really needs padded shorts anyway?

Me, apparently:

Then, we got our bib numbers. I got Lucky #13. I kinda laughed — not because I’m superstitious — but because I’m way NOT superstitious, and it’s kinda ironic. Except now I am.

No joke, we walked back to the truck and friend #1 unloaded his bike. Flat tire. Completely flat. We all laughed, and used one of our two spare tubes to fix his bike.

Then, about 15 minutes later, friend #2 unloaded his bike. Flat tire. Completely flat. Not as much laughter, as we had now used our second and last spare tube.

The guy parked next to us had raced the beginners race the year before for the first time. Just like us. Except he finished first, not like us. We had no such ambitions.

Fixing the First Flat Tire from Eric Martineau on Vimeo.

I hooked up my HRM. 125bpm just from putting on my helmet. “This is going to be a long day, I thought”

We had just gotten the second tire fixed, when they announced that the beginner’s race would soon begin. We started heading over to the starting line. About halfway there, the countdown started: 10… 5… Go! We were nowhere near the starting line. We had to push our way through the crowd and to the starting line — in DEAD LAST. This would have been tragic, except our game plan was to start in DEAD LAST. Fortunately, the crowd started off super duper slow. SLLOOOOW. Nobody was passing - just putt-putting along. I wasn’t sure if this was “just the way it is” and I should stay in line and behave… I figured “What the heck” and made my first move and passed someone. Felt great. Then another, and another. Then, just after the Double Dip, I rubbed tires with another gentleman on accident. He lost momentum and unclipped. I apologized profusely. He was not happy.

It opened up a little on the first lap, but I still wanted to get ahead of some of the slower moving crowd. I came up behind two guys - and when the guy in front of me started to make a move on the guy in front of him, he slipped and ate dirt. I yelled a consolatory “Are you okay?”, although we all know that nobody’s really going to stop and help that guy - we’re all a bunch of jerks. A bunch of Beginner jerks.

I found that I usually went a lot faster than people on the downhills - mostly because I have no problem being out of control. I kinda like that feeling. I climbed pretty well, too (go hardtail!) Most of the advice I got for the race said:

• Pace yourself so you don’t “bonk” (What the heck is bonking? More on that later)
• Don’t try to be a hero and chase people faster than you

I realized something pretty quickly - that I don’t have the self-control to pace when there’s someone in front of me. I will chase down whatever is in front of me. Dang competitive spirit. Problem is I don’t have the stamina to back it up. That really killed me. I was PEGGED for the first lap and a half. Finally I got behind a guy that had a pretty comfortable pace and followed him for a while, until the turn-off for the long loop.

Apparently my friend #1 missed that turnoff. He went off and made up his own course, which turned out to be a few miles longer than the one we were supposed to be racing. Poor friend #1.

I started feeling a little better at the start of the long loop. I did the majority of the passing and felt in pretty good control. I found a guy to ride with through most of the first half of the loop. He was in the beginner class as well, 40-49. I stopped for a quick breather - when he rode past me he yelled at me to not stop - well, he didn’t “yell” at me, he was just encouraging me to not be a wuss. I was really surprised at how many people would encourage you on the trail. Just as you started feeling completely crapped out, someone would yell for you to keep pushing. I thought that was cool.

We rode together to the rocky section on the south ridge, and then I passed him. He was the guy later that referred to me as “the guy in tennis shoes”. Cool guy.

On the second half of the long loop, I learned what it means to bonk. It sucks. My mouth started getting super dry - but I couldn’t figure out my brand-new camelbak, plus every time I tried to get a drink I would get dumped into a wash. I HATE WASHES. I think they should pave the washes. I was huffing up the hills big-time. I would launch down the big downhill sections, but then really struggle on the way back up. A guy and I passed each other up a few times, until he “encouraged” me to stop slowing down and just stay in front of him. So I sped up. I was hurting. That’s when all the insanely fast people started passing me. Wow.

As I pulled through the starting line for my last lap I was going really slow. And that’s the place you want to go fast - with everyone watching… I couldn’t bring my legs to do anything. Then a girl rider blew past me like I was standing still. The announcer noted to me that a girl had just blown past me. Seriously, though - there are a bunch of female riders that are absolutely insane and skilled. I was WAY impressed.

As I started the 3rd and final loop, I had slowed down considerably, and was wondering if I would be able to finish. When I got to the top of Double Dip, I had to stop. A kid came up behind me and “encouraged” me to not stop as he passed me. “I hate you”, I thought — not because he was encouraging me, but because I knew the competitive part of my brain would force me to catch him. More pain.

So off I was - I caught him on the other side of the ledge and passed him. Then I caught my final “wind”. It wasn’t really a wind — it was more like a death gasp. I knew I had a few nice hills towards the end, so I tried to get through the curvy stuff without dying. My heart rate was in the 190s (not normal for me), but I could see the end in sight. I saw lots of people sprint to the finish line after I was done. No sprinting for me. I limped across, happy to have made it to the end.

When you stop and get off your bike, it all hits you at once - barfing feelings, light-headedness, cramps, death, etc. I was hurting big time. I kinda felt out-of-body almost. I laid my bike down and asked a booth lady if I could sit in her booth. I could tell she didn’t want me to, but she let me. I didn’t care.

Then I rode to my car and sat in there with the A/C running for 10 minutes or so - then I started feeling better. A LOT better. It’s crazy how quickly you forget the pain and get the high. It was incredible. I went back to the finish line and waited for my boys.

Friend #2 finished second. He was covered in blood. Towards the beginning of the race somebody flipped up a piece of cholla at him and it stuck into his leg. He said when it stuck him all he could think about was keeping it away from the tire because WE HAD NO MORE TUBES!! Later, he ate it on the rocky section of the long loop when one of those super-duper guys came flying by. He had a couple of nice cuts, but he’s an ER doc, so he had himself covered. He went over to the first-aid booth. When they found out he was a doctor, they had him look at some dudes’s finger. Apparently he had broken it on the first lap of his race. Except, that dude didn’t stop - he actually finished the race. What a freaking animal.

Betz Finishes Bloody from Eric Martineau on Vimeo.

Then we waited for friend #1. And waited. And started getting worried. And waited.

And then he rolled up, after riding over 18 miles. He had gotten completely lost and ended up finishing from the long loop. He was also bloody down his calf.

Bad luck, I tell ya.

We were all stoked that we finished and loaded up our “old piece of hud” bikes. Then we went to Wendy’s for a nice refreshing greasy meal. Still recovering from that now.

So, here’s my stats, if I remember them right:

• Placed 14th in age group, 29th overall (out of 72)
• Finished in 1:42
• Burned 2,050 calories
• Max HR 197
• Avg HR 184
• No blood whatsoever

I was proud of myself. I was hoping to do it in 1:50, so I beat that time and some. And all that on my crappy $1500 bike (sarcasm, I freaking love my bike)! I’ll definitely be doing this again.

Good times.

Pace Learns His Shapes from Eric Martineau on Vimeo.

Seriously, though - I have to harass my wife because she’s convinced shes a 500 lb whale. In reality, I think she’s gained a total of two pounds her entire pregnancy and is seriously THE SEXIEST PREGNANT LADY ALIVE! She out lugging that big ‘ol bedaine on the canal as we speak. Anyone else feeling lazy?